Chronic Illness Windows to the Past
Chronic Illness A Room With a View
Chronic Illness: Determination
Chronic Illness When No One Is Looking
Stop and Feel the Sunshine!
Chronic Illness It Hurts!
Chronic Illness: Exhaustion & Pain
Chronic Illness: Holding Back the Laughter
Chronic Illness: Anger
Chronic Illness A Case of One
"I Look Normal..."
Chronic Illness Isolation of the Warrior
Chronic Illness Believe In Yourself!
When Life Gets hard...Don't Ever Give Up!
Chronic Illness: Tranquility
Fibromyalgia affects muscles and nerves, severely limiting exercise, and creating odd pains and muscle spasms. Gone are the days hiking around my local "duck pond", let alone my dear San Diego Zoo and Wild Animal Park... IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) often comes with "FM", so gone are the days I used to eat sweets, let alone most "normal" foods...and gone are my most healthy strong treasured days with my own horses, before these syndromes took over full force. Yes I have my memories but it is hard to have one's life cut back to just "looking out the windows" at life going by too early in life.
When this is your view of the world more often than not....when you have IBS and many times you are glad you are alone so you can yell and even scream from the pain to just get through it.....
Ya...might be what we all don't talk about, but I have had it! I have had enough pain, am in pain right now as my meds are not kicking in totally yet, that I HAD to express it... I have had this idea in mind for a long time, but didn't have the courage to express it in public. But I know a lot of us suffer from some form of this syndrome - some worse, some not as bad...so I know there are a lot of people who will understand....and yes, my Nicki cat is often in the bathroom with me! Cats seem to love the bathroom, at least those I have met...
We may have to flap our wings harder to "stay up" but the feeling of accomplishment is greater! Never give up, and go for the magical moments when you do feel better for a time...even feel GOOD sometimes, and treasure them!
Dedicated to all folks who suffer from chronic illnesses!
In the night....when no one is looking...pain...or depression...or angry frustration...it's always there to some degree if one is honest.....
My Nicki cat gave me a gift the other day....he kept calling me to come to "his" window table (a carpeted table just for him by our afternoon sun window) and when I felt the warm sunshine as I reached out to pet him I sat right down and soaked in the sunshine! He rolled around in delight that he had gotten his Mommy to join! He reminded me to stop and enjoy the relaxing sun....(I don't get outdoors much).
This poser idea just popped into my mind's eye recently when I took a shower and used only a bar of soap and my hands, and as I washed I felt I was both being "beat up" all over my body and prickly over-sensitive skin pain at the same time. It's really what Fibromyalgia pain can feel like when I have to go without my pain med (because frankly I have to stop it now and then because of it's constipation side effect). I did finally figure out I was using WAY too much "Equal" sugar substitute this particular time - which for me, sets off an FM flair... I should do the same girl laying quietly and comfortably once I could take a pain pill...to show you this is NOT me ALL the time...but it is what I have to deal with off and on, to one extent or another.
Dedicated to a dear friend....in talking to friends about my health issues, I have learned that so many of us have struggles....we are not alone... This picture came to my muse and just had to come out... Prayers coming your way, dear friend!
CREDITS: David with a Jeppe texture map,Character body and face dialed by me...with the DAZ Mil Beard 2, Estio Hair by April (DAZ), Glasses were a freebie. DAZ D3 Tees and Track outfit...must admit the pants are hard to work with in poses and are heavily post worked. Room by Sams3D freebie. Pose from Poser's people poses, heavily modified by me (clothing texture created off of V3 tracks/tees Freebie here in FreeStuff). Bed and table/lamp by ? (sorry Just can't remember when I was in a creating frenzy over the past few days) Pillows are TrekkieGirls morphing pillows from Rendo FreeStuff. Framed picture by OoBetty Frame Shoppe (RMP). Cross modeled by my friend.
Fibromyalgia affects nerves (pain) and muscles. For me I can get a "rib stitch" so easily from activity, especially real genuine deep laughter! That rib stitch can go into a muscle spasm/lock up and last for days, giving me the pain level of a broken rib, and heaven forbid I need to cough, etc.
Sooooo when my dear Nicki cat tries so hard to fit his WHOLE BODY into a small box or some other such hysterical nonsense and I want really let go and laugh, I have to hold it back....hence my illustration.
Nicki is turning out to be the BEST companion for this stage of my life that I could desire....yes I still miss Travis (and no, have not gotten up the nerve to do the album of my Travis in 3d YET)...but Nicki is so interactive (maybe because I have only him now)...talking to me all the time, cuddling on my lap for hours.....playing with me or if I just can't move, he will start a game of soccer with a tightly wadded up bit of paper and even sometime bring it TO ME to toss for him.
I have to admit that despite my "acceptance" of my Silent Syndromes health issues I still have a lot of anger toward them because of how they limit my life. I also have to admit that often this anger gets displaced, meaning that when I'm angry at software performance for example that anger is often out of proportion for the situation at hand. I will admit publicly here that I have gotten angry like this at my new Vue 6 Infinite, and a while back at the renderosity site changes... and at the time that I am so angry I don't stop and think about what I'm really angry at. Yes software bugs and web site changes are frustrating, but they are not the end of the world, so I would like to apologize to any friends and people in general that I may have offended with my ranting and "capitalized words" in my postings and communications and promise to try to learn this life lesson a little better-to remember where that anger is really coming from.
My doctor told me I am a "case of one" with all my symptoms...but when I said this on the FM forum I am in, a good friend brought a BIG GRIN to my face when she said "then we are all a lot of cases of one!!" I will never forget her response that made me feel so NOT alone in spite of my doctor's declaration!
Chronic Illnesses of all sorts affect our lives so many ways...my little fairies express - Left to Right *How/Why did this happen to me? * Sadness of being trapped & isolated. *Debilitating PAIN!
A dear friend said:
This is so perfect of an expression and so very beautifully done. To look at the world in front of us and know that by our own choice we cannot do what others do because of what it will do to us, it is just like being trapped in a glass bottle. And to feel so isolated, other people not understanding because they don't have what you have. But there is beauty in it too if we choose to see it just as you have made this so beautiful. Well done dear friend.
but if you don't know me, you don't know that my body is ill,and though I will not die from this, there is no cure. I live with pain and I am unable to eat normally, function normally...but I do my best to be happy, treasure the good times and create magic now and then....
I saw this image in my head, when I realized...again...that I need to be my true and honest self. I have been working lately to ACCEPT my illness, and to live better in spite of it all...
I always dreamed (in real life) of being physically strong an "Amazon Warrior" but I did not quite make it, even in the best years of my life... I do feel isolated and separate from the world at times, trapped in a painful body that does not work right and does not let me go out as I would like.
But now I know I AM a warrior, staying the course inside, armed with an inner strength. (and my faithful companion, my Nickie cat who is growing into the dear shoes of my beloved Travis with the love and joy he gives me!)
So....stay the course, and know in many ways you are stronger than "normal" people - because you have to be, and it's okay to take pride in that! )
In part two of my realization that I AM the "Amazon Warrior" I always dreamed of being, but just using my strength in a different manner....
I am using my inner strength to bring me out of "the chronic illness prison" to enjoy the day! A lot of the strength I have now is from Believing in Myself! I am gaining the self-confidence to face life's situations with quiet dignity and even an ability to help others understand and help me.
A long time ago, I saw a line drawing of this...(the drawing never had a credit, I don't know who did it), but finally with the creation of my 3D heron model I could illustrate this encouraging idea!
It's so important to take time for yourself, to rest and soak up the quiet unconditional love of a pet, and/or play uplifting music, be in pretty surroundings if possible! Focus on what you DO have in this life....and it's OKAY to pamper yourself!
(many people in my generation were taught it was "selfish" to take time for yourself, but if we do not, then we have nothing left to give to others! )
I was fooling around with APO (a free fractal generator) scripts, trying to understand them and then got really frustrated...and opened one of the preset sets freebies that has bubbles in it...started out with smooth soft spheres...and then it got all prickly and then this came out somewhere along the way! It's pure and FEELS to me like when one is asked to paint how they feel.... all those fibers-nerves...cool and then splashes of pain!?! Whatever, to me it FEELS like me... whether it's "FM" or that I can't wrap my brain around scripts...!? )
Living with Silent Syndromes