Creations Poetry 7
Copyright Lyne's Creations September 2012, All Rights Reserved
You may NOT take copies of these poems for any reason.
Note: I often come back, re-read and even
edit my poems. They, like me,
are a work in progress. I may change a word here and there or I may add
a whole stanza! Some have art, and some will get illustrated later on.
I just can't stop...seems I am writing my life in my poetry these days..
The Importance of Feelings
I hate to admit I feel more alone,
When I am not talking on the phone.
It's another symptom of abandonment,
I am not alone in this predicament.
So many go through life avoiding,
our deepest thoughts, our inner feelings.
Staying aware of emotions is very wise,
It makes everyone feel more alive!
So I council my own self,
Don't put my feelings on a shelf.
How can I ever love again,
If I am the one to abandon
all the emotions of my heart,
that is where all love starts!
But I admit it was sneaking up on me,
Ever since I let go of my anger energy.
That I still love that man so tenderly,
I care for him as much as I do me.
I can't help wonder how he is coping,
if he fills his days with laughter, joking.
I've been shopping out of control,
Trying to fill up that deep hole.
I didn't admit my terrible fear,
the return of pain too much to bare.
Oh shit, crap! here it comes again,
Another layer of my grief's pain,
I'm so scared I'll come all undone,
But NO it's NOT back to square one.
"WORK IN PROGRESS"
TO BE CONTINUED....
The Reason for Feelings
"A letter to myself"
You know I love you, little Lyne,
I am sorry for the state you're in.
I know I've just been rushing by,
in such a hurry, and I know why.
I did not want to feel our pain,
It seems like there's nothing to gain,
by going into that terrible place,
Seeing the heartache on your face.
Remember, there is a reason for all strife.
The truth is in the beautiful balance of life,
Because you are willing to feel that deeply,
Life gives equal parts sorrow with ecstasy.
You have proof that you're quite capable,
Of great love; you know you are able,
You could, you did, you know you can,
find your true happiness once again!
The foremost thing that life does require,
Is the ability to trust your Higher Power.
I actually had this dream, that inspired this
poem...and thanks to my dear friend for helping me
getting some words just right! We enjoy working together!
I was weighed down by a box that I was carrying,
containing a man who wouldn't stop yammering.
His voice in my ear was non-stop complaining.
Making finding my way difficult and demanding.
The box on my shoulder was constantly slipping
Since the man inside would not stop fidgeting.
Surrounded by others, yet nobody is helping,
So onward I trudged with this box I was lugging.
From this dream I woke abruptly, exclaiming,
I know with certainty it's exact meaning!
I am stubbornly carrying this heavy box,
containing the love that I have just lost.
No matter how many others I may ask,
I am all alone in this overwhelming task.
I know my poems of love are angry and terse,
But if I think of "the good" it only hurts worse!
If I "go there", then I fear I will begin
To wish he would come back, try again.
So I am stuck in this really terrible space,
For I can't allow good thoughts to take place.
While I imagine he goes merrily on his way,
Thinking only of good times as I heard him say.
So many things I'm afraid to admit,
For one I so enjoyed his humor and wit.
And with our passion, we never knew limits,
We went to such amazing places within it.
How our love and laughter filled up our days,
How much we delighted in each other's ways.
We enjoyed many kinds of music to the extreme,
We loved the mood of romance that it could bring.
He loved my art, I loved his stories,
We shared each other's daily glories.
I think too, I might have been the only one,
Who loved his talking that was never done.
We could even argue and gently fight,
With no need for either of us to be right.
He had incredible patience with all my fears,
Always acknowledging when I had tears.
For wrongs he would apologize when he was aware.
As I think on the "good years" of his unconditional care,
I wonder was he less the lover and more an Au pair?
"You're not one of my projects" I would hear him declare.
But then in the end, when he had started to say hurtful things to me,
"I need my space", "you need too much", "Maybe I'm just too greedy".
I am beginning to think he was NOT my heart's perfect counterpart,
Maybe it is only the loss of the relationship that broke my heart!?
Thus while he left me behind, yes I do mourn,
My only true happiness this life has YET born,
I understand why I do not always seem to cope
And why I sometimes carry anger instead of hope.
Hmmmm... things I DO have now?
One is that I have found out how,
to live alone, that I much prefer it,
I enjoy my solitude, peace and quiet.
Now I am better at taking things in stride.
I find I have a brand new sense of pride,
For my ever blossoming creative side,
With my Higher Self always my guide!
I do so enjoy writing my poetry,
To express what is inside of me!
I love my special friends who know where it's at!
And too there is my sweet precious Nickie cat!
I can feel my evolution as I work on this poem,
I wonder if it is him that I have actually outgrown,
As I look for closure, and work my way home,
To myself, my center and my very own...
~ Lyne's Creations
(I wish I really was "evolving" as much as I feel for only fragments
in time, like as I wrote the last stanza...but I am still deeply depressed,
and in my very real ongoing grief. Poetry seems my only real outlet. )
Dear Beloved, can't you hear my plea?
Are you in this same dark misery?
If you've moved on and feel it not,
Then truly you aren't the man I thought.
For my grief there is NO closure,
The hell I'm in is death warmed over.
A Fine Line
Love was a dream from which I never awoke,
Until the cruel day when my heart, he broke.
Reality swept away all of our dreams,
Along with my belief in magic, it seems.
So Now I reside in the harsh light of day,
Mourn for those dreams he has taken away.
I continue to seek the soft light of a new dawn,
That fine line between sadness and moving on.
(goes with Art here)
When I wake up finding that I just don't care,
I look at my feelings and I become aware.
I thought I'd made progress in this existence,
I wonder if "true love" was just a hindrance.
Depression again feels like my natural state,
from this sad place I can't seem to escape.
Though it's worse for me this time around,
Because of what I perceived I had found.
For just a fragment of time and space,
Life became a fairy tale kind of place,
With Love and laughter as the new norm,
I truly felt I had been completely reborn.
But it was nothing but a sham,
Perpetrated by that one man.
Oh I can try to "in the moment" live,
But there is no one for me to give,
The love that I honestly have to share,
There's no one special enough to care.
I have only myself to indulge and please,
But that fact does not my burden ease.
It's also true that I have many friends,
But that's just not the same in the end,
As having that soul mate companion.
Now I'm back to a negative reaction,
Toward love and life, as I again retire,
To quiet times that contain no fire.
I have heard told that Ignorance Is Bliss,
I quite agree, and so wish I had missed,
That interval that gave me the smallest taste,
Of love that I can't now, from my heart erase.
~ Lyne's Creations
Go to the Top of Poetry Page I for an index of all the Poetry pages! OR!-Just change the number
in the url address to the next higher one, and hit enter to go to that page faster!
I have so many pages, it's getting crazy for my dyslexic mind to keep adding
individual links to each page thereafter. I am up to 13 pages as of this update with more always on the way!