For just two short years in my very long life,
I had the sweet love of a man, I was his wife,
But now I refuse those memories, so bittersweet,
I keep my heart shuttered against the pain I'd reap,
Still, every once in a while, deep in the dark night,
Fragments rush forth and bright recollections ignite,
Remembrances of the lovely home we once owned,
And all the magical places where we once roamed.
I had keys to a kingdom where I could be normal,
Where anything was possible, I could feel hopeful,
Living through an avatar, I could dance, love and sing,
Sharing a partnership with the love he'd always bring.
Now all those joys are gone and as my health takes it's toll,
I suppress all feelings in the wake of what he stole.
Now I can't exist in that magical world anymore,
It is like the world that I live in has closed every door.
But every once in a while, deep in a sleepless night,
Those memories still bubble up into my mind's sight,
I allow them but for a brief moment, then heaving a sigh,
I push them back down, locking that door, so I won't cry.
My Mother Taught Me to Always Be Afraid
She said when things look okay, life will turn grave,
What a royal mess of my life she has made,
Brainwashed to live with negative certainty,
Unhappy with this integral part of me,
So I hate still looking over my shoulder,
Always nervous, unable to be bolder.
I wish to learn to reach way deep down inside,
And reassure my inner child where she hides.
Turning my sight inward, seeking the child inside me,
Reaching toward this precious self until I can see,
There! She is in the dark, eyes huge in her tiny face,
She's peering up at me, yearning, pleading to feel safe,
Come here, precious one that's had no love before,
Hold my hand, come with me through this open door,
We'll go down this path together, I'll keep you secure,
With the help of our soul's Higher Self, we will endure!
Parents Who Were Never There
I have spent my entire solitary life becoming self aware,
While in dreams searching for parents who were never really there,
I was given the means to support myself and all alone, I survive,
Yet except for a mere two years a while back, I've never felt really
Last night, I dreamt I went to the school where my parents were employed,
I needed comfort from them, but of emotions they were completely devoid,
My Mother disappeared into "the office" where she would remain,
No one could even find my Father, though I spelled out his name.
My brother's also lost to me, being damaged by our parents in a different
He hides in his work, always gone, day after day, out on the roads all
across the USA.
Anyway, I got up, trying to shake off my heavy dream drugged sleep,
Loaded down with desolate emotions, just wishing I could weep.
Writing this poem, I try to let these emotions out so I can find some
Although it's hard when my life is filled with so much unprocessed grief.
OMG, I Have A Wattle!?!
This is the day I discovered I have a wattle!
It shocked me, caused tears to bubble and I wobbled,
How did this happen, existing inside this bottle,
Containing my young soul; my body's become a fossil!
I hate looking in mirrors, fearing I might gobble,
Being mistaken for a turkey would feel awful!
Aging is no picnic, it brings so much trouble,
Yet through my fall years, I will just have to muddle.
In our society where youth and beauty are revered,
Old men look "distinguished", hiding theirs behind a beard,
So while they chase after all of the sweet bouncy young chicks,
This old gobbler feels like retreating out into the sticks!
You're Amazing, Lyne!
With your creative work, your dedication,
Even when you're in pain, despite medication,
How you persevere on your limited diet,
Anyone else would be yelling, but you're so quiet!
Creating lovely art and beautiful poetry,
Sharing all your emotions, your complete story,
While not complaining of your myriad ailments,
Unaware of the fact that you're so courageous!
I think what you need are clear loving declarations,
To encourage you, despite all of your frustrations!
You forget that you have great strength and wisdom,
And did not deserve all those childhood criticisms!
Keep being the sweet gentle person you are,
Remembering you touch many hearts near and far,
That you truly are appreciated for just being you,
You are doing the best you can, in all that you do!
When I sleep enough, I have colorful expressive dreams,
These dreams can inspire therapeutic creative things,
When I accomplish something that affects another's heart,
Then I connect with other souls through my poetry and art.
Bits of Joy
I sat talking in a cheerful whisper,
To Father, about my younger sister,
Reminding him of her birthday surprise,
Of which I found hard to visualize!
She wanted gnomes for the front lawn? !
We'd have to set them out at dawn,
while I was trying to digest this,
I woke from this dream with a sniff,
Feeling oh so very sad,
Never being close to dad,
And a brother who's never there,
Always off trucking somewhere.
But still it was a cheerful dream,
Where in, my life had everything,
Bits of joy to take away the sting,
It's funny what your mind can bring.
(I don't even have a sister in real life... Funny what you dream)
If I Had Only Known Then?
(a sort of free styling poem I think?)
Sometime when I see lovers kiss on TV,
I harken back to when it happened to me?
Just once in my long life I had that special kiss,
It was true and a moment of pure loving bliss,
Yet if I had only known then what I know now,
I think my life would've been very different somehow?
For one I would have never given those 3 marriage vows.
I've realized only lately I've been seeking that which I never got,
A Father's supportive protective love when I was a tiny tot.
But because I've been abandoned and taken a lot on the chin,
So all I have had left was to try to grow myself up, into my own skin.
If I'd only known then... how different my life would have been.
Something was wrong with my toilet tank,
And despite fearing it would be quite rank,
I had to figure out what was the matter,
And figured out how to fix it's floppy flapper!
But let me warn those that follow me,
The leaking one was awful and gooey!
My fingers came away all black and icky,
Causing me to scour and scrub profusely.
So, while I'm now proud of the job I did,
The next time I'll know when I lift that lid,
I'll use gloves and have a pile of rags handy,
Yet knowing this old lady is still quite canny!
Dead Bugs in my TP!
There were dead bugs in my new toilet tissue!
One bug's legs stuck out through the wrapper all askew!
I shuddered, tossed that roll right into my recycle bin,
Wondering how on earth those bugs had gotten in!
And what if I USED it, unawares when I had to pee!?
Eeeuuuu how really yucky, those dead bugs in my TP!
Against All Odds
It really is difficult living my life with all that I lack,
Especially when there's no one close who's "got my back",
With so many issues in dealing with my "case of one" health,
Forcing me to trust, learn to depend solely on my Higher Self.
Encased as I am, in an ugly old woman's body so ill,
I'm angry, life feels daily like trying to swallow a bitter pill,
Being insecure, I often forget there's beauty in my soul,
And despite everything, I am actually reaching my goal!
I've come amazingly far, especially late in my school of life,
All alone, despite all odds, I've overcome all kinds of strife!
Higher Self: Help this little extrovert give herself a good grade,
Remind me to be proud of the wondrous progress I've made!
Scared to Death
(incredibly, I found a lady dentist who is:
homeopathic - uses all safe/hypoallergenic materials-
AND has a private separate room for those who are as
frightened as I am and/or have immune problems, etc.
She is almost ready to have her first child, but has fit me
in to take a look at my broken off eye tooth, and make plans.
My son is coming down to take me in, which will help my nerves
but still I am utterly freaked out, barely holding it together.)
My little girl self is frightened to death,
Of going to the dentist, and what comes next,
Scared of what will happen, that it'll hurt a lot too,
She's freaking out with no Mommy to run to.
I have to be the "Mommy" to my little inner child,
Help us stay in our "thinking mind", keep feelings mild,
Visualize holding her hand, as we both go bravely forth,
Remembering our Higher Self gives us strength, is our source.
But it is hard when the adult me has suffered so much through the years,
Because of parents, doctors, and wrong diagnoses bringing on tears.
Sometimes I have to just do the best I can, pushing through the fears,
Hoping that this time, with the right dentist, all our fears will
I carry a deep weariness from which there is no rest,
It resides deep in my heart, so heavy in my chest,
Loneliness is a weight I've carried all my life,
Laboring constantly through all sorts of strife.
There's no one close to care in that special way,
My dreams express pain that I hide during the day,
It seems my lot in life is to journey all alone,
Never having the comfort and peace of a real home.
I've always offered my soul laid open and bare,
Eager to be generous to someone who'd care,
Yet no one has ever turned toward me willing to see,
Thus I continue down my path lost and so weary.
Perhaps in my next life I will have a loving family,
Then maybe I'll grow up from the child I continue to be,
And possibly be loved by a true and trustworthy man,
Who'll treasure me, holding my heart in his strong hands.
Depression is crippling, with eyes painfully dry,
I'm unable to shed years of tears, unable to cry,
I can only drift along doing the best that I am able,
Carrying this deep weariness in my life so unstable.
A Family's Struggles
Living on the street, out of a shopping cart,
Must break many a Father's loving heart,
How did their lives come to be this way?
Too many stories are told by the end of day.
Families like these, needing just a little help,
They can cause the hardest hearts to melt.
So will you give hope to these families?
Please donate to homeless charities!
Portals to My Dreams
true story, except-
disclaimer: I did add "ape" to make it rhyme,
Though it was just Tarzan himself arriving just in time,
And also yes, I know Zorro's horse is BLACK,
but to rhyme I had to deviate just a tad from fact.
yes, I'd have nightmares, plenty of them,
Yet it was special to find some relief when....
When I was a little girl, I could retreat every night,
To be cradled by a hero, safe from my dark plight.
Thus early on I discovered the magic Portal Tree,
With it's door to leave this world, through which I'd flee.
My real life was just so horrific this was my only escape,
And I'd seek to be rescued in dreams by Tarzan and his ape,
Or perhaps on another night, I'd be carried away,
In the strong arms of Zorro astride his great dark bay.
Or I'd be a mermaid, breathing under water, as odd as that seems,
Since magic is entirely possible, do you know what I mean?
Considering waking life was the nightmare, full of silent screams,
Nights brought some sanity through these Portals to my dreams.
Too often we can not see both beauty and need,
So both are left to deteriorate, but I'm here to plead,
To the powers in charge, so often blinded by greed,
Get off your butts, help returning soldiers succeed,
And while you're at it, take time to notice the beauty beyond the weeds!