Creations Poetry 34
Copyright Lyne's Creations May 2015, All Rights Reserved
You may NOT take copies of these poems for any reason.
Note: I often come back, re-read and even
edit my poems. They, like me, Although the last two pages of
poems are about very deep feelings
A Goth Poem Every Day
The Same Old Fear
My Companion ****************
are a work in progress. I may change a word here and there or I may add
a whole stanza! Some have art, and some will get illustrated later on.
FYI: The best three FREE websites to help with writing poetry are:
RhymeBrain Thesaurus and How Many Syllables
I use these sites constantly, and the Thesaurus site is the MOST comprehensive one I have every seen!!
sometimes I just write a poem about the oddest things....
My Pet Spider
I spied a teeny baby spider on my bathroom floor,
Why would I feel fondness for something that scared me before?
Was it because he was just a baby that made me grin?
He was so small, hardly the size of the head of a pin.
Each time I came in to that room, to sit upon the pot,
There he was, like a teensy friend, in the very same spot!
I thought to myself, I must be a lonely old lady,
To feel he's a pet or am I going slightly crazy?
I decided this had to stop, yet I could not kill him,
So armed with a glass and paper to capture him within,
I gently lowered the glass, slid thin paper under that,
Then with cardboard under all, keeping it secure and flat,
I carefully went down the stairs and out to the front door,
And bent down, placed the glass on the step's edge, and tried to pour,
This teeny baby out into his new home, but he froze!
Clinging in the glass, curled tightly up, in fear I suppose.
Now how to get this teensy guy out without injury?
And being I'm still scared of spiders, I moved gingerly,
Trying to coax him toward a bit of blooming heather,
At last he dangled by his web from the edge of the glass,
I caused his web to catch on the plant; got him HOME AT LAST!
And now even though I couldn't see his tiny little self,
I had to feel he'd be okay, and would live in good health!
Turning to go back inside, looking down, gasped as I spied,
ANOTHER teeny little guy....Oh not again, I cried!
The Edge of Desperation
I have been tense and tied up in knots since the first day I was born,
Waiting to die of some illness, any minute, has been my norm,
Then one day I fell into a genuine love for the very first time,
Suddenly I came alive, feeling an incredible joy that was mine.
I wondered why I deserved this, what I had done so very right,
To have an amazing love, with life looking especially bright,
Then that love was shockingly ripped away, and darkness closed around,
Plunging my heart into the deepest darkness where there was no sound.
So I'm back on my own with not a lot of comforting support,
Thinking of how my time of being truly happy was so short.
I know I am doing my very best to thwart my fears as I age,
But now it is more often that daily life feels like a cage.
There's an edge of desperation to my life as age takes it's toll,
With fewer things about it, in which I have any control,
There are so many strange things I do to take care of myself,
These are things that can't be accomplished by anybody else.
I try to be gentle with myself, allow time to grieve for more loss,
But it is hard to accept age stealing so much, and I become cross.
I distract my fearful thoughts with art work or favorite shows on TV,
Wishing I could play music, yet that awakens worse feelings in me.
But what can I do but keep on keeping on, fighting my depression,
And continue doing my artwork to give feelings an expression,
So at least, I don't bottle up dark feelings to the point of explosion,
Too, it helps to remember others suffer even worse afflictions.
Then I muster up my frail courage, look at what's good in my universe,
As well as doing even more art, and setting further feelings to verse,
Each time I express these feelings outwardly makes me feel lighter,
Helping me feel just a bit brighter, so I guess I AM a survivor?!
And quite tearful,
My body tortures,
With it's disorders.
Deprived of support,
I wish I could abort,
Shed this terrible glove,
And life devoid of love.
Struggling to make sense,
Always on tense defense,
I try to find a better way,
To exist for just one more day.
Wishing for a Family
My heart holds wishes for a loving family,
One who would hold each other close and lovingly,
With brothers and sisters and Mother and Father,
To be in heaven, I'd have to look no farther.
All the Pain
All the horrific pain of my sixty six years,
Is locked in my body full of terror and tears,
Flowing and ebbing causing harsh waves of fears,
From out of a hollow darkness that never truly disappears.
Feeling unloved and unsafe every possible way,
Forever locked away in an unhealthy body to stay,
Yearning for unconditional love, that elusive treasure,
Men always causing more harm, increasing the pressure.
The child in me, ever young, despite my advanced age,
Continues crying out, from her broken hearted cage,
She peers out, seeking a glimpse of the stars in the sky,
And waits for that day when she will be set free to fly.
Tell Someone, Tell Myself....
They say to "tell someone" when your being abused,
But how can a child know when she's being used?
My Mother forced a heavy burden on me,
I'm still weighed down by it at age sixty three.
She cruelly started molding, and training me,
With this form of brain-washing when I was just three,
She was determined I'd be her "adult confidant",
And provide her with all the comfort she could want.
She trained me using her tools of guilt and shame,
Oblivious to my emotional pain,
battered by her criticisms constantly,
I could not remember who was the real me.
Her controlling critical actions were like a disease,
And I, as a sweet child, would try so diligently to please,
She used every aspect of all my vulnerabilities,
I became overloaded with my responsibilities.
I would explode and scream at her, "I hate you!" at times,
Then I'd have to grovel, looking for forgiving signs.
This went on for years until I up and moved far away,
Yet I still carry this baggage to this very day.
My therapist inquired what if I threw it away?
"Why, I'd feel good!" I surprisingly heard myself say,
My therapist asked, "Then why don't you set it down"?
Then I realized the truth, and said with a frown,
Because then I'd have NO relationship with her at all.
My Dreaming Nights
Floundering around in a troublesome dream soup,
My hopes, anxieties on a continual loop.
I wake in a confused haze of relief and sigh,
Another unsettled restless night has gone by.
I hear voices whispering from beyond the grave,
Those are the children that should've been saved,
From cruelty that so called parents bestowed on them,
Now they act out against all the world in rebellion.
The Only Time I Fell In Love
Was because he trusted me and let me in,
We shared all our secrets and our sins,
Love only broke when he closed the door,
When he refused to share himself anymore.
The Truest love requires two way trust,
Or the hearts involved will crumble to dust.
So my advice to men is: be completely open,
And you will receive a treasure truly golden.
For when a woman truly gives her heart,
You'll be supremely content and never part.
She'll support and love you in every way,
As long as you are loyal to the end of the day.
Digital Hoarders Anonymous
Hello everybody, my name is Lyne,
I just realized the trouble I'm in!
You see, I've a really terrible disorder,
I have to confess I'm a Digital Hoarder!
I always think I have enough,
Then catch sight of more pretty stuff,
Then before I know it, I'm clicking to checkout,
After all, with coupons there's always a discount!
So now I have columns and stacks,
Of all those things I thought I lacked,
Yet I can't seem to come to grips,
With all of those unopened zips!
Can you also relate, do you know what I mean?
Is sticking to a budget really just a dream?
I am running out of room inside my machine,
I fear my Digital shopping is that extreme!
Aspects of Me
My life is so difficult, but there are splashes of light,
And my guardians protect me, especially at night,
So when fears get the best of me, I look deep down inside,
Seeking the strength that I need from where it always resides.
From my little girl self, so full of insecurities,
I look to the special exceptional aspects of me,
Drawing out She who is the very Strength of my Soul,
Ever guiding and helping me toward every goal.
Then tender, attentive, unconditionally loving,
There's the parenting warrior who is constantly guarding,
And finally the adult me, who I'm learning to be,
When assembled into a team, we are something to see!
I try to be happy and okay every day,
But my fears and anxieties get in the way.
Mom filled the baggage that she set upon me,
With every sort of horrific monstrosity.
She convinced me to fear everything,
Instilled Murphy's Law, then the final straw,
Was the terror that my own body would bring,
Until I was left with no hope to which I could cling.
Now I still carry her baggage in my later years,
Perpetuating all the same negative fears,
And I see my inner child, she has a very sad face,
Wondering why I can't seem to give her a state of grace.
But deep down inside, a part of me still cries,
Wanting her to be a real Mommy before she dies,
She couldn't be, she won't ever be, that which I need,
And it's up to me to toss her baggage so I can be freed.
I am the only one who's "been there" for myself at all,
But I only could do that when my back was to the wall,
Living always in a heightened state of being on guard,
I ended up with my heart becoming heavily scarred.
The sweet idealistic hopeful girl that I was at birth,
Who was never celebrated as having one ounce of worth,
Continues to plead to me for release from Mom's evil weight,
And I'm trying to understand why in spite of it all, I still hesitate.
Higher Self help me understand this "Gordian Knot" that blocks,
It's said that un-tieing this knot requires thinking out side the box,
Because now my Mother is nearly ninety four, her body won't last,
With her mind gone, body failing, any time for love is long past...
The only healing has to take place in my own mind and heart,
To resolve or at least manage the pain she piled on from the start,
The child inside needs to understand, Mom was never able to give,
The kind of love she so needed, to make our life healthier to live.
She will soon be gone, this source of my abuse,
But will I ever cut her baggage free, let it loose?
Find a way to go on, find a bit of joy in the life I live?
I must give myself what she was never able to give.
Still it's just so hard, as I never learned how,
All I can do is practice living 'in the now'.
Yet I miss the time I relate, when I could FEEL,
Like I did just once when one man's love was real....
Yet that short experience is now long gone and dead,
I am trying to love myself, find a way to forage ahead.
Behind my closed doors I find comfort in my routine,
Cooking and caring for my challenging health, unseen.
I wonder why my parents never saw my kind heart,
Unable to care or ever be proud of me from the start.
They could not see how frightened I was every day,
Now I live a life estranged from love in so many ways.
Maybe in my next life I will give myself a sweet gift,
Parents who'll actually see me, give my spirits a lift,
Parents who will always love me unconditionally,
So I can live my life fully and magnificently....
I have my dreams, I see these things in my mind,
I am ready for a wonderful life next time!
I'm spiraling down into the same old fear,
The same feeling ever since I've been here,
I thought I'd found a Mother to keep me dear,
But her lack of understanding was very clear.
I focus nameless fear on whatever appears,
I obsess on whatever comes into my sphere,
Thinking if I fix it, all my fears will disappear,
But that has never been true in all of my years.
I just find another reason to fall into the same pit,
Once again focusing all of my fears just upon it.
This dynamic I do causes more harm to my health,
Even knowing "the only thing I have to fear is fear itself."
All my life I have tried to be there for myself,
Yet I end up still sitting on this familiar old shelf,
If I could just eliminate my fright, my mind would be clear,
And I could live without all of this horrible crippling fear.
I know my feelings come from sheer insecurities,
And as an extrovert, I can't seem to feel easy within me,
So now I am pleading with my Higher Self for HELP,
I need to feel calm while dealing with all I've been dealt.
The only companions that can live with me,
Are the "families" and friends I find on TV.
With all my health problems at my older age,
I have learned to live inside my creative cage.
With TV, I can put a DVD on, then my life is "more"
By choosing from the many adventures galore,
I can travel to the future or even outer space,
Or enjoy pioneer days, live at a more peaceful pace.
My routine behind closed doors can be quietly comforting,
As I somehow find ways to escape some of my suffering,
But I do dream of the joy roaming among the stars could bring,
While waiting impatiently for a new life more promising.
in the url address to the next higher one, and hit enter to go to that page faster!
I have so many pages, it's getting crazy for my dyslexic mind to keep adding
individual links to each page thereafter.
Although the last two pages of
poems are about very deep feelings
A Goth Poem
The Same Old Fear