pagepalletmouse3.jpg (3000 bytes)~Lyne's Creations Poetry 13
Copyright Lyne's Creations October 2012, All Rights Reserved
You may NOT take copies of these poems for any reason.

Note: I often come back, re-read and even edit my poems. They, like me,
are a work in progress. I may change a word here and there or I may add
a whole stanza!  Some have art, and some will get illustrated later on.

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A Spark of Understanding of Self

I learned a new lesson in therapy,
About what goes on inside of me.
There is no "cure" for what I've got,
There's just what is, and what is not.

All my life I expected to be cured,
As others did, I heard their words,
"It's your problem, go get better!
Then you and I can be together."

So again and again I tried to be,
What other's did expect of me.
Then I'd make just one mistake,
and from me, my pride, they'd take.

Now I am again finally on my own,
I actually think that I have grown.
There is no right or wrong at all,
I might do fine, or I might fall.

I'm learning not to be so critical,
To  pass each day as I am able,
Allowing anything that I am feeling,
Accept that it is all a part of healing.

I may always have a broken heart,
Of me this just may be one part,
I have no way of really knowing,
But of myself I shan't
be condemning.

There is nothing "to cure" in me,
This new realization sets me free.
~Lyne's Creations              

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My Existence

I'm aware of the deep profound pool of my heart,
Where my soul itself expresses as just one tiny part,
Of everything my existence is and has yet to be,
As I continue along my life's mysterious journey.

I find living difficult with so much I can not see.
I have so many emotions that well up within me,
They put me deep in touch with my vulnerability.

While sometimes I'd rather not feel anything at all,
I've experienced first hand how that causes to fall,
The sweetest of relationships that come our way,
Because of the important things we failed to say.

So regardless of the struggle, I know I'm truly brave,
by expressing every feeling, it's my soul that I save!
~Lyne's Creations                 
 

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Working Through Life

(this is a very meaningful poem, because I wrote it
as I was working through my emotional states. By
the end of the poem, I had come around to being
able to feel real love for myself, which brought
tears to my eyes...the idea I could actually give
comfort to myself is an utterly new thing for me!)

I am trying to face the reason I am stuck,
in this very dark place of nasty sad muck.
I am not really sure if I even still love him,
I'm afraid to look at my feelings deep within.

It is difficult for me to face the real possibility,
That I only loved him out of my co-dependency.
He was my anchor, I stood on his foundation,
Without him I feel very lost in my own isolation.

All of my life I have never had self worth,
Fighting to simply survive ever since birth.
Never gaining any confidence in myself,
Especially with all the fears of my health.

Searching for the love that I always craved,
Seeking the worth that other people gave,
Unable to feel any self assuredness within,
Unable to see the specialness of "Lyne".

So here I am facing my issues once more,
As life forces me to look deep into my core,
To open the door wider to my powerful Soul,
To believe in myself; it is my highest goal.

Come on sweet Lyne, this you CAN achieve!
You're totally able to win this before you leave,
Just face who you are deep inside your heart,
You care, and you love, in spite of your start!

You care for yourself, you have always been able,
You use your intelligence to keep yourself stable,
You're stubbornly strong in defending your rights,
You actually know when to back down or when to fight.

You choose to see light where others see dark,
When you saw love, you were willing to embark,
You took that chance with an open willing heart,
You've always been special from the very start.

You haven't lost yourself, sweet girl, you really haven't!
You'll get where you are going, your SOUL guarantees it!
~Lyne's Creations                               

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Nothing Can Measure Up

Regardless of our love's unconventionality,
It was incredibly exceptional in it's reality,
I didn't notice the limitations of my health,
when I enjoyed your love in all it's wealth.

We broke the bonds of space and time,
We lived an authentic life especially fine.
Suddenly you decided it was insufficient,
So you abandoned me and all within it.

I bet all you can think of is your own guilt,
Which then blinds you to all that we both built.
There's nothing I can do, but love myself,
And try hard to put you away upon a shelf.

I'll continue on my life's lessons, learning,
Yet thinking of you, unrealistically yearning..
Because sadly, I realize that I'll never find,
a love like yours was for a time.

I miss you.

~Lyne

*************

My Heart Wins Out

(when I am forced to be alone by extra illness
with a virus, hurt shoulders from typing on line
too long, and my isolation increases, I have less
distractions, so my feelings "come back up".)

My Darling, If I could talk to you in person...


I am apprehensive to talk to you directly,
It's why I keep setting feelings into poetry.
I still feel you are the other half of my heart,
that my soul has searched for from the start.

Now when I hear about true love in songs,
I wonder if the whole world gets it wrong.
Is what we had only a fleeting silly illusion,
Sweet fantasy or a heart-rending delusion?

Now each time I meet someone new, I only feel sad,
You simply were the sweetest love that I ever had,
I understand you're unable to come and live with me,
You'd miss your native life and your family unbearably.

But darling, I am not sure you ever understood,
How much you added to my life; it was so good,
I thought I added that much to your life too,
But I guess that was simply just not really true?

The sad truth of my life is that I MUST live alone,
Keeping quiet, calm, germ safe in my tiny home.
Thus it's egoistic to wish you would come back,
Because I can not give you what my life so lacks.

I guess I AM being selfish in all reality,
How dare I ask a man of your vitality,
To be satisfied with the limits of me,
Locked in cyber-space by necessity.

But what did I do to deserve the best,
Only to have it ripped from my chest.
I feel I will live until the end of my days,
Going in circles, wondering in a haze,

Trying to understand the senseless,
that was the total destruction of "us"

-----------------

I MISS YOU!

I do spend time on line, occasionally interact,
Yet the more I connect, the more I hearken back,
To you, my darling, how we clicked so well,
So it is always you I miss when I wish to tell,

About all kinds of things in my life because you understand,
You have more intelligence, more heart than any other man.

But...

Do you know how much I miss being there for you,
when your days are hard or when your feeling blue,
Or when you had such fun that the time it just flew,
As when you shared the joy of your grand kids too!

Of course, I still wonder how your writing is going,
I always reveled in what you used to be sharing.
I even miss what others around you found so irritating,
I enjoyed it when you went on and on and on explaining!

I miss how you love life, greeting each day with a smile,
Your willingness to see things through the eyes of a child.
I miss you laughter, and especially your giggles,
I miss your fondness for all of life's little riddles.

I miss your connectedness with all kinds of nature,
I miss how you would always share your adventures,
of labored sloggy wet walks or sunshiny mountains,
Your stories gushed forth in delightful fountains!

(Do you see the words I coined in these lines?
Our love of words themselves was divine!!)

Of course I miss your loving sympathy,
For me and all my odd bits of history,
You were like my personal cheerleader
Always encouraging me to go farther.

I miss quiet Sundays that you found so gray,
I hoped my presence cheered you in some way,
I miss how you shared that special part of you
I do believe it was me that inspired that too.

I miss watching you nudge the limits of convention,
Then waiting gleefully to see other people's reaction,
You wanted so much to expand a person's boundary,
Imposed in all kinds of ridiculous ways by humanity.

I miss your love of music that nearly had no limits,
You shared that with me and so I expanded within it.

I felt your soul was such a perfect compliment to mine,
Thus I can't help but be here for you until the end of time.

I'm simply sure I will not ever find,
One such as you, who is as kind.

I could go on and on it seems,
For now I'm running out of steam,
But what are those words that haunt?
The heart wants what the heart wants....

~Lyne's Creations                   

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