Creations Poetry 12
Copyright Lyne's Creations October 2012, All Rights Reserved
You may NOT take copies of these poems for any reason.
Note: I often come back, re-read and even
edit my poems. They, like me,
are a work in progress. I may change a word here and there or I may add
a whole stanza! Some have art, and some will get illustrated later on.
Broken Dreams, Frustrations, unrealistic wishes
A Home In My Heart
Despite the great distance we lived apart,
I honestly felt I had a home in your heart.
It baffles me how you could cease to allow,
The beautiful love for me that you did avow.
When you let go of our love and went away,
It was, for me, as though you died that day.
No matter who I encounter in this world of ours,
They never measure up to how special you are.
Thus I'm in constant conflict within my own heart,
Trying to persuade myself that you're not a part,
of that certain future that we were both foretold,
With words so stunning because they were twofold!
I still believe we could live independently alone,
Yet have the greatest love we have ever known.
So if your search for answers finds you still alone,
I pray you'll return to my heart and find a true home.
Still, if I am really not enough for you,
I give you my love, sadly bid you adieu.
I know you may never be able to forgive me,
for seeking solace in my poetry so publicly.
But what choice did you leave me,
when YOU shut down emotionally?
My darling there is nothing I would rather do
Than talk directly, discuss all this with you.
Yet the only reason our talking things through,
Worked amazing magic and we both grew,
was because you loved me and I loved you.
Sadly now that is all gone,
I assume you've moved on.
My only voice seems to be poetry, I guess,
So I keep going around in this circular quest,
Trying to make sense, make my best guess,
I wish I could understand this painful mess.
Yet poetry aside, I am nearly shut down completely,
My health is chaotic from my emotional dishonesty,
I can't help but close my heart with such terrible finality.
That is the price I now pay
in pretending I am okay.
I bet you feel your life long way to cope,
Is keeping your past loves so very close,
So you feel able to go through every day,
Thinking you're helping THEM to be okay.
however I know that you still recognize,
That subtle sad secret in their quite eyes,
of their love for you, that they try to disguise.
They too try find a way,
By pretending to be ok.
For me, it's too painful to "just be friends",
When I am not allowed to love you again.
So now we ALL are just swirling around,
in loss of love we thought we had found.
It's awfully sad how we are all not being true,
Being dishonest inside, so willing to make do.
and that's just sad.
I can not help it, I have done it again,
I can not stop writing out my true pain.....
My Anguished Heart
It's anguish that the same music I heard with my love,
Is always causing me to scream to the angels above,
I hate that these same refrains now tear at my heart!
Why, why my darling must we be so very far apart?
My soul reaches out through vast space and time,
Wondering if my other half will ever again be mine,
I hold myself tight, crying along with the blues,
I realize this pain within will never be defused.
So much has changed, so much I have learned,
Will you grow inside, ever be able to discern?
I can't help but hold a deep abiding wish that you,
Would feel our unique bond was as rare for you too?
When I allow music, emotions explode in the air,
Feelings swirl all around me, forcing me to care,
I alternate, wishing you would come back to me,
With being so angry I end up cursing your cruelty.
Terrible thoughts occur like: if you were dead,
I would be unable to hold any hope in my head,
That is the big difference and it says it all,
You CHOSE to turn away, allow me to fall.
So I have to resign myself to reality's fact,
That you did stop, will not, ever come back.
It is awful that I am finally beginning to realize
That heartbreak is just another illness inside.
I have to learn to manage it along with all the rest,
of my pains I can't get rid of, though I try my best.
I can't turn my heart off, I can't stop loving you,
No matter what I think, and no matter what I do.
How dare you say "I'll just remember the good",
That right there tells me right where you stood.
Your love for me wasn't "forever" deep, it was a lie,
Or you would never have been able to say goodbye.
My bottom line is that love is no longer worth the risk,
I loved with my whole soul, gave my heart over to bliss,
I regret that I opened my heart and allowed that first kiss,
I will never love another, nothing can ever match this,
Now I am infected with heartache, I feel eternally sick.
Frustrations and Goals
Everyone longs for the person I used to be,
I only bloomed like that within your company.
I have never in my life been that joyfully free,
So I too mourn for that exuberant personality.
Then they argue, it was always there in you,
Just embrace that gift, and stop being blue.
What they forget, with my being an extrovert,
It was your sweet love inspiring me to convert.
So now I struggle along exactly as before,
Fighting depression, to feel "OK" at my core.
Every so often, I'll have fun for a short time,
Then it's back to my normal dreary daily grind.
It is what it is, I have heard so often said,
Thus I have to accept this, until I am dead.
THEN I can try hard for a much better life,
One where I am loved, one with less strife.
At least I have that hope for the lives of my soul,
So I pursue baby steps with an eye to that goal.
My tears that I hide from everybody else,
Flow in dark nights when I'm all by myself.
In all my many efforts to socially interact,
Those just keep reminding me all that I lack.
He cared for my heart as no one else does,
I'm lost without my angel who fell from above,
He is only human, I know he tried his best,
But his best was still better than all of the rest.
Friends say they love me, they tell me they care,
but they don't connect, they're not truly there.
I understand they have so much of their own,
They don't really understand why I feel so alone.
I miss his caring about my feelings so deeply,
He understood my heart, he really did "get me".
That is not something that is easily replaced,
So I admit to the perpetual tears on my face.
His love made me whole, connected to life,
His love lifted me, made living worth the price.
So while I can and do take care of myself fine,
My heart itself refuses to give up, and resign.
I am fine living alone, that's simply not the reason,
It's my heart that's broken, the reason I'm beaten.
Friends that I counted on have all fallen away,
Busy with their own lives, so what can I say?
Trust So Broken
After spontaneously sharing with an interesting man,
Of the wonders of Second Life I have there at hand,
Really bad dreams screamed out of my mind again.
Nightmares of dangerous prisoners, trying to do me in,
Also about warning a young girl of dangers therein.
I woke from those dreams with knowledge of how much,
My sweet childlike ability to impulsively, genuinely trust,
Has been utterly destroyed, replaced with deep mistrust.
It was absolutely not that he couldn't come live here with me,
It's the loss of his love that causes me to still suffer so fearfully.
I am so upset that I don't seem to know what I am really feeling,
which in turn conjures up nightmares so shocking and revealing,
Apparently I react on a very deep level to any decent man,
With actual terror that I will be hurt that deeply once again.
To say I am in a "dark place" would be an
I continue with therapy, doing the best I can.
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