pagepalletmouse3.jpg (3000 bytes)~Lyne's Creations Poetry 10
Copyright Lyne's Creations October 2012, All Rights Reserved
You may NOT take copies of these poems for any reason.

Note: I often come back, re-read and even edit my poems. They, like me,
are a work in progress. I may change a word here and there or I may add
a whole stanza!  Some have art, and some will get illustrated later on.

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I just can't stop...seems I am writing my life in my poetry these days..

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Anger and Frustration

I allowed feelings to emerge once again,
and this is what came out of my heart and my pen:

For his own reasons he turned off his love for me,
and I can not seem to find the person that I used to be,
where I always cared for the other person's side of things,
when I was kind, compassionate, caring for their feelings.

Maybe my feelings of utter frustration might begin to explain,
Why I'm still lost in a morass of rejection, confusion and pain.
As an "extrovert" I actually NEVER was happy being solitary,
He was the yang to my yin, I thought I was the cream for his coffee.
..... but then, he is actually allergic to caffeine,
ah, never mind, you know what I mean....

It seems the legacy I'm left with now is just a really short fuse!
I get very angry really fast if I even THINK I am being used!

But after all is said and done,
I awoke with the realization,
That deep down inside my soul,
The one reason I can't let go,
Is that I still really love him so.

So I am back to the fact that it's my feelings I FIGHT!
Because look at what it got me, so maybe he has it right,
Just shut feelings right off and skulk off into the night!
It's back to survival mode, just dealing with mundane life.
and damn who I am that I always desire MORE,
constantly reaching for what a deeper life might have in store...
~ Lyne

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Cast Off Doll

(art here)

I still simply can not even begin to comprehend,
How his devotion for me could come to an end.
I sit with no answers like a thrown away doll,
Unexpectedly unimportant, discarded to fall.

In my utter trust I was caught completely off guard,
Consequently, is it any wonder I fell so very hard?
After a whole life without being sincerely loved,
I'd felt he was special, an angel sent from above.

I went from great heights of adventure and joy,
To the darkest desolation, like that rejected toy.
I am afraid of being social, I fear being refused,
My anger flashes if I even THINK I'm being used,

You probably wonder why I continue to question,
So I would ask you give it a bit of consideration,
Being in love that intensely, bonding completely,
When that's ripped apart, cuts horribly deeply.

I aspire to be cheerful, but when no one is looking,
My sad feelings of confusion are quietly simmering.
I often shut down my emotions as a way to survive,
Though a person without feelings is not really alive.

***

After that, I was working so hard on my latest gallery image, submerged in
Poser art work for like 6-8 hours straight ... and I came to this understanding:

Floundering & Finding?

Chasing relationships is a complete waste of time,
I so much prefer the challenge of art for my mind,
Getting out of myself, turning my focus on creativity,
Gives me total freedom from my life's harsh reality.

So if you are also lost and floundering around,
I offer you the suggestion for what I have found!

Find something you love to immerse yourself in,
If you allow yourself to be consumed, you will begin,
To gain a feeling of self satisfying accomplishment,
Which then provides much needed acknowledgement!


Though I am not dumb,  I know those pesky feelings,
Still reside inside, always present and part of my being.
But for now I will try my best to just focus on my art,
And let the rest take care of itself, I think that's a start?

~Lyne

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(but I found out the hard way...)

Interlude

Music has always been a gateway for me,
To access emotions, to set feelings free.
Unfortunately it has become very dangerous,
Since listening carries emotions so insidious.

Feelings claw at my heart, whenever I start,
To listen while I am occupied with my art.
My world must be silent for my self protection,
So I can prevent any fragment of recollection.
                        .... of him.

~ Lyne

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(and all this in the space of one week.)

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(Then after my therapy session, she noted
that I seem to be giving all those gifts back!?)

Why?!

Why can't I keep all the gifts he gave me?
All those special things I proved I could be,
Why do I not accept how I have grown?
Why can't I keep all those gifts as my own?

Why do I keep thinking he is the only key?
When all that I experienced is still inside me?
Why do I still refuse to be that which I am,
Without feeling all must come from a man?

After all, ALL that I became is still here inside me,
But why does it seem to feel that much more lonely?
I learned just how happy, vivacious, and sexy I could be,
But it all seems useless without him, as far as I can see.

I don't know how to be happy like "that" anymore,
But am I really just denying who I am at the core?
Well, I pray that time will help me understand more.
~Lyne

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Go to the Top of Poetry Page I for an index of all the Poetry pages! OR!-Just change the number
in the url address to the next higher one, and hit enter to go to that page faster!

I have so many pages, it's getting crazy for my dyslexic mind to keep adding
individual links to each page thereafter.  I am up to 13 pages as of this update with more always on the way!