pagepalletmouse3.jpg (3000 bytes)~Lyne's Creations
Autobiographical Poetry
Copyright Lyne's Creations August 2012, All Rights Reserved
You may NOT take copies of these poems for any reason.

I constantly work on the existing poems, and add new ones
anywhere they seem to fit in the flow of my journey....

FYI: The best three FREE websites to help with writing poetry are:
  RhymeBrain  Thesaurus and How Many Syllables
 I use these sites constantly, and the Thesaurus site is the MOST comprehensive one I have every seen!!

In the Fall of 2012, as my heartbreak became overwhelming, and my emotions "hit bottom",
it seemed to cause the door to my "right brain" to be thrown open - wider than ever before.
My muse had always "just" done art work, but now poetry comes singing/screaming 
from my feelings .... much to my shock and amazement...and creeping in, is a sense
of pride!  I offer here my life story in poetry, if you care to journey with me.

Note: some of the poems have art to go with them, found in my section:
 Dealing with Grief & other Self Realizations


The book I reference at the bottom of the page, is helping me revisit my poetry/feelings
with a new understanding of myself. This experience has hit me SO hard, because all my
life, I kept myself very protected, kept people at arm's length...until HIM....I let him in, and
I let happiness in...I trusted with all my heart for the first time, since I was 1-2 years old.
His giving up our love opened up a lifelong floodgate of abandonment wounds, I have
carried since I was three years old.

****************
Crazy Mind?

(the reason I slammed the door shut to my poetry
writing, early in my life....)


My Mother warned me, sweetheart dear...
What? What? I pleaded full of fear.
The men in white coats will soon be here!

But why? I  squeaked in a tiny frenzied voice.
They'll take you away, she replied, you have no choice!

You see, my daughter, it's a dangerous sign,
When your mind continues to speak only in rhyme!
It is an ominous indication that your sanity is gone
It has no connection, you do not belong!
It shows you are crazy, my dear, you'll see,
They'll lock you up, and throw away the key!

So never more did I make a choice,
to give my thoughts a creative voice.
I lived in fear of my own mind,
Afraid to consider what I would find.
~ ~ ~
Late in life, as heartbreak takes me,
My poetry muse speaks so insistently.
Deep in the night I often wake to find,
I must pour out my pain, again in rhyme.

I am nearly helpless in it's wake,
I cannot slumber until I take,
a pen and paper to jot down,
every single word my heart has found.
~Lyne's Creations                   

(I do admit I have a type of dyslexia that, under stress, inverts the meanings of things
I hear said to me...but I do remember, all these years later, being afraid of how
much my mind spoke in rhyme when I was young. My Mother said something
to the young me, that I took in as a sign of insanity. Children hear and see life
in Black & White, All or Nothing. They do not have the experience to see shades
of gray. So many things end up being fears and wounds carried forward in life.
The other reality is that my Mother took a few jr. college night courses in
psychology and then thought she "knew best".... !?  She also took me to see
her teacher for private counseling sessions...a fearful man who sat and just
stared at me and never talked "with me"! )

 

(For More of the Very First Poems I Wrote, SCROLL DOWN)

Quick Index of additional pages:

 

Poetry 2
Grief & Childhood poems

 

Poetry 3
Therapy Poems

 

Poetry 4
Living with Health
 Syndromes/Therapy
 

Poetry 5
Humorous Poems,
For Love of My Cat

 

Poetry 6
Self Pride  Love Lost Grief
and an Earthquake!

 

Poetry 7
Poetry of my Feelings


 


Poetry 8
The Riddles of Life/Childhood Memories
 

Poetry 9
Loosing my Aunt    
Giving up Second Life

Poetry 10
Grief Resurfacing    
Frustrations



Poetry 11
Being Brave   Paying Bills  
Star Gazing
 


Poetry 12
Broken Dreams, Frustrations, Unrealistic Wishes
 


Poetry 13
My Existence   Yet With Such Heartbreak still..
 



Poetry 14
Having the flu      
Depression

Poetry 15 
Trying to Understand Myself

Poetry 16 
Poem about the 1920s     
Melancholy



Poetry 17
Fears &
Self Realizations



Poetry 18
Power of Life    
Extreme Sorrow


Poetry 19
Very Honest Personal Poem  
      Source of Life     




Poetry 20
Games of Life 
Being Special despite Heartache


Poetry 21
Hummingbird Poems  
Anger at Men Poems


Poetry 22
My Cat, Art, Life and
Inspiration



Poetry 23
My Early Childhood  
A "Mommy Dearest" poem

 

Poetry 24

A Little bit of Everything
that Winter can bring



Poetry 25
Encouragement,
Self Help and a bit of Anger



Poetry 26
Damaged Childhood   
Political Commentary


Poetry 27
Reality Week in San Diego  
Scraps of Poems


Poetry 28
California Chrome (race horse)      Dreams


Poetry 29
A Dream of a Dad I never Had
Learning to stop self-judging

 


Poetry 30
Many poems- A Real "mish-mosh"
fear of doctors, Recurring
Childhood traumas
Numerology and more!

 


Poetry 31
I re-read this bunch of
Self-inspiring poems. It
was a stronger time for me.


 




Poetry 32
Depression & 1 Tiny Sparkle

 
 

Poetry 33

Mother's Day Poems,
Small Owl with a Scowl
Self-encouragement efforts
 

Poetry 34 
A Pet Spider, Goth Poem
More Depression...
(I'm sorry, having a rough time)
 


Poetry 35 
My Mom turned 93, Nice Dreams
Wishing on Rainbows & Grumbling
But more "lighter/brighter" poems
 



Poetry 36
Old Age, scraps of poems
"life is what it is"

 

Poetry 37
Aging, Remembrances
Fearful emotions


Poetry 38
Heavy emotions, difficult scary events, tiny glimmers of light
"The Reality of Me"


 
Poetry 39
2017 started out with a burst
water pipe in a living room/
kitchen wall, seems to be going
downhill from there... good grief!
 
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

*********************
Shattered
(actually the first stage in Abandonment Grief)

I think I am beginning to understand,
He did not love me as I loved him.
The committed love I held in my heart,
Was not in his, he was in the dark.

My love so deeply true and bold,
But love for him, he could not hold.
While mine was forever told,
His love had died long ago.

I lay here like dying, utterly stunned,
Feeling the victim of a hit and run.
The trust I found so hard to give,
Was crushed completely, I cannot live.

Why did you commit a crime so brutal,
When you knew my heart was so fragile?
You  played me like a useless tune,
Then turned away, left me in utter ruin.

There are no rhymes left to express,
The pain I feel, how far I regress,
into my fear, and mistrust so deep.
I cannot recover, I can only weep.

I think I am beginning to understand,
What I thought was love, was just a man.

(I only thought I understood, but I was seeing my loss through a
victim's eyes, feeling devastated, confused, and angry all at once.
I really felt - and maybe still feel at times - that I will never recover.)

**********************

(the second stage of Abandonment Grief is Withdrawal)

I Cry

I set my anger shield aside,
Now with pain, I do abide.
My dreams show my emotions real,
I wake, I cry for how I truly feel.

I long for the love that I was shown,
But it is gone, it turned to stone.
So I crawl into my cave, I am alone,
Safe with my art, my cat, my home.

I cannot help how I sincerely feel,
These are my emotions, they are real.
I dream, I wake, again I cry.
I cannot believe how time goes by.


*********************

Thoughts Unbidden

Thoughts come unbidden into my every day life,
Sweet memories now cut so deep - like a knife!
The loss of HIS love leaves me so utterly alone,
Longing for THE sweetest friend I have ever known.

We had our individual lives, PLUS a connection so pure,
That I thought through ANY storm, we would endure.
We actually DID "have it all" in a way we hadn't expected,
But he could not see that, he turned away, he rejected.

Now I am lost, turning this way and that,
Trying to find my balance, feeling utterly flat.
I want to go back, I want to go forward, I am stuck in the middle,
I feel that life without his love is an unsolvable riddle.

*******************

Mirroring

I met a man who was just like me,
He was a mirror so I could see,
All my facets, who I was,
We fell in step, we fell in love.

But when I hit fears out of my past,
I closed my heart, I pulled back fast.
Gently he would coax me out,
I learned what trust was all about.

We laughed, we loved,
we soared on high.
We truly did, we reached the sky!

Until one day he closed the door,
He turned away, he spoke no more.
I fell back in shock, my head did reel,
OH Lord, is this how it does feel?!
When I had run away in fear,
Unable to face the problem clear?

Right there and then,
I promised: never again!
I vowed not to run and hide,
I resolved to face my fears inside.
I pledged to bring my dread into the light, 
and with his help, it would be alright.
We work well together, he did beam,
Hand in hand we are a real team!
It seemed to me a happy dream!

Then once again, I did find,
He shut his feelings, closed his mind.
I felt so abandoned, so alone,
Our partnership, it seemed to have flown,
Right out of the window of our home!

He said to me, Please understand,
This is simply the way I am.
I thought, Oh God, no, not again!
Left alone, I felt more abandoned.

Down through years my memories,
Return repeatedly, like PTSD.
But this time, I go into my pain,
Give it a voice, Give it a name!

I hear you Little inner Child of mine,
You've been so brave, true and kind.
While others treated you very badly,
You survived, even thrived, albeit sadly.

I have the teachings that we seek,
You and I will take a peek,
Together we shall venture forth,
hand in hand, we'll head true north.

We now have our own new goal,
To look deep within our very soul,
We'll grow us up, we'll make us whole!
~Lyne's Creations                        

********************

Therapy Tips & Thoughts

STAY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT
Dialog with your inner child and/or the emotions welling up, find out what
your inner child needs...what are the emotions saying? Acknowledge your feelings!

*I cannot more Highly Recommend the book*
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life by Susan Anderson. 
It's not "just" for loss of relationships...there is huge value in reading it for any crisis that brings on Abandonment PTSD!
**************************

NOTE: The only way to reach me is via "IM's" the on line Graphics Art Community "Renderosity".

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