Although we never leave my Mother alone,
my Brother said not to post this publicly.
I have put it on an unlinked page, so I can
share it with a select few friends. So many
are going through this experience at this time, in life.

Please DO NOT share this Page url with anyone!

*************

My Mother, My Brother 

My once dynamic Mom is now 90 years old,
This winter of her life has grown very cold,
My heart breaks for her now confused mind,
Because she is bewildered most of the time.

Apparently she can have moments of clarity,
Though often those near must tread carefully.
As she is frightened and can become irate,
Since she simply can't comprehend her fate.

I can't imagine being trapped in such a state,
Not being able to function, let alone to create,
I try not to dwell on what life gave my Mother,
Yet I am angry and sad, could life be crueler?

Most of her care has fallen to my brother,
At least she prefers him over any other,
I am so grateful to him yet also distraught,
As he struggles with what reality's brought.

So thank you, from the bottom of my heart,
For helping our Mother from the very start,
You are doing a task of which I am not able,
Even though your own health isn't so stable.

We all are managing in one way or another,
But I'm very thankful that you are my brother.
~ Lyne's Creations ~ June,2013

***********

My Mother's Mind

My Mother has spells that scare the daylights out of us,
Then suddenly she'll be rational and wonder at our fuss,
We know her mind is developing such frustrating gaps,
That in trying to care for her, our energy is really sapped.

This once strong minded woman is now fading in all respects.
So that one hour to the next we do not know what to expect,
Thus our hearts are breaking a little bit at a time, each day,
And we are unbelievably lost in knowing what to do or to say.

The appalling reality is the time is coming much too near,
When she'll have to be institutionalized, this is what we fear.
This is the most unkind aging ailment that nature bestows,
It is death without dying, creating many unexpressed sorrows.
I love you, Mom.

~Lyne's Creations

***************

 

(Two versions of the same poem, one for me, one for my brother,
as we are such different personalities raised by this woman.)

for me:

My Feelings, My Mother 

How CAN I, how dare I, feel all that I'm feeling,
As dementia sends my Mother's world reeling?
My confused emotions cause me to feel guilty,
I'm grieving as my Mother's deprived of reality.

My anxiety increases around the Fourth of July,
Since Mom's negligence caused my Aunt to die,
Years of unshed tears pill up, I wish I could cry,
Yet there is my Mother, who can't even ask why.

Part of me still wants comfort from my Mommy,
Yet I was a person she was never able to see,
She never had an apology, there never will be,
She is getting lost in ways I pray I'll never see!

This turmoil fills me with such acute anxiety,
What would I do if this ever happens to me?
I am sorry Mother I can not be there for you,
I do agonize for the hell you're going through.
~Lyne's Creations

*******

version for my brother:

My Feelings, My Mother

How CAN I, how dare I, feel all that I'm feeling,
As dementia sends my Mother's world reeling?
My confused emotions cause me to feel guilty,
I'm grieving as my Mother's deprived of reality.

Part of me still wants comfort from my Mommy,
I try so hard to help her, she is unable to see,
I hate how her life has become, it just can't be!
She is getting lost in ways I pray I'll never see!

This turmoil fills me with such acute anxiety,
What's becoming of MY life, this affects me!
I'm sorry Mother I'm trying to be there for you,
I do agonize for the hell you're going through.

This is almost too hard to bare, it tears me in two,
I would never say, but I'll be glad when it's through,
But you know I will never, can never, abandon you.
~Lyne's Creations

*******************

Update: With a lot of home care by a nurse and
a handy man, plus my son's and my brother's often
visits, my Mother has gotten a lot better. Some of the
medication was adding to the problem, so by stopping
that, she has many bright, sharp days! Good news!
She IS old... over 90... but hanging in there!

*****************

I Miss My Brother

OH! who's that? Is it really a Fred?
You scared me, I thought you were dead.
I am really glad to hear from you,
You've made me a little less blue.

A birthday at our age getting older is not so gay,
And when you didn't reply on YOUR  birthday,
You had me worried, but now I'm glad your OK,
You big lug, I wish you'd come around someday!
~Lyne's Creations

*****************